Sometimes

I don't know what to do without her. I don't know what to do without my best friend. I've known her longer than anyone else. She's had always been there for me, and I for her. I feel so disconnected with myself without her. We said we'd always be friends, and we aren't. I don't know what to do sometimes.

Little things get to me. Things I find out that I wish she would tell me. Even though we don't talk anymore. I just wish. I wish she was here. I wish I was there. I wish we were still friends. I don't know what to do right now.

Five years.. Closer to six now. I can't do this anymore. But I don't know how to fix this.

I am all about this movie.

Although I don't think I would have taken a child to it. It was a very good movie for older people. I thought it was beautifully put together, and the story was touching. It discussed many topics that were hard on children, that many other movies don't touch. I loved it. Spike Jonze, you are a good man.

OH YEH

AND YOU ANNOY THE THE SHIT OUT OF ME TOO, YOU IMMATURE, SELFISH, CRAZY FUCKING BITCH. AS IF THE CAPITAL LETTERS WEREN'T ENOUGH, I CANT THINK OF ANY OTHER WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. GODFUCKINGDAMMNIT.

So, I know

that I can't hate you forever. But somehow I still try to. I suppose you never really did anything. Considering I'm mad about what someone else did, how someone else felt - yet I take it out on you. Punish you. For some reason. Recently I've thought a lot about telling you that I appologize for what I've done, that I've been acting irrationally for some time now. But somehow I can't bring myself to, and it's bothered me for a while now. I know you're never really going to be gone. At least not for a little while. And I don't know if you even should.

I wish I could just step outside myself for a little while. But I can't. And I can't change who I am, and what I've been through. Maybe I'm just scared, upset, worried, crazy, irrational. But either way, I'm me. And I guess this is just something I need to accept every once and a while.

Why do I

procrastinate so much?! I have so much work to do.

Also, it is a bad idea to drink an energy drink at 10 p.m.. I fear I will be up all night. If only I had something interesting to blog about to waste time. But that would mean my life was interesting. *sigh*